The Old Woman in the Shoe

There once was an old lady, who lived in a shoe...
She was about 47 and completely overwhelmed.

Her neighbor of 15 years, and very close friend was moving away. (Well two miles away but still) This friend has been through more than any one person should have to experience, in the last couple of years.

A couple of weeks ago her friend called the old woman as she was happily commenting on blogs, and asked her to ride along on some errands. While they were out the friend fell ill and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. It turned out to be stress related, which really worried the old woman.

The friends new shoe would not be ready for a month after she had to be out of her old shoe.....so she would be moving in with the old woman, her HoH, her 19 year old that is in from college, and her 9 & 5 year old daughters.

Meanwhile, the old woman's HoH thinks she is having issues with her mouth....this is where the nursery rhyme goes wrong. I have ALWAYS heard the old woman was supposed to spank her children and put them to bed....well, not in this shoe...

In this shoe the HoH spanks the old woman almost every night ( for something about attitude? ) and puts HER to bed!

Then one day the HoH...

Get ready for it.....

Try not to laugh....

Had a small accident and pulled his shoulder out of socket.

Right shoulder.

The old woman's HoH is right handed.

The HoH had a MRI and will need surgery. The old woman now feels as though she has added another child to her shoe for her to care for.

By now her treads are wearing very thin and her HoH is about to hang her from her shoe laces. Even though she has been very sweet to him, and waiting on him hand and foot...;) (well, I was sweet)

Then there is the porridge.....No, she doesn't make porridge, but you see all of the old woman's children (young and old) want to eat. Everyday. Even though they ate the day before, they still want to eat again the next day.....annoying I know. ;) So she cooks and cooks....and cooks.

The old lady felt as though she did not have a minute to call her own and went completely MIA from blogland. She missed everyone there and couldn't wait to get back. She started getting a little snipity, thinking her HoH couldn't do any thing about it.....maybe she WOULD spank them all and put them to bed....hmmm.

That fantasy did not last very long, before the old woman was pulled over the HoH's knee and was shown how proficient he could be with his LEFT hand.....

I know....I hate tragic endings too.

This is my new favorite picture. I text it to Brice when he sends me a text I don't like.

(For instance, telling me to do something he knows I don't want to do lol)

I'm pretty sure you will see her from time to time here ;)

The Newly Red Game

Time to go back in Time and play a 'classic' game based on the American TV show The Newlywed Game.  There is a twist, some questions are ttwd related- Hence the new name.  Without further ado ...cue cheesy music.......

Of course being somewhat Dd related we needed to rename this puppy.  Thanks to Susie over at Her Mischief Managed....

 Rules

Answer the questions in your category first ( ie wife answer questions under wife)

Don't share your answers with your spouse.  Next answer the questions in your spouse's category, BUT answer how you THINK he/she will answer.

Have your spouse repeat the process, with no interference from you! Make sure they know to answer your category questions as he/she would think YOU would answer the questions!

Questions for the Wife

What would your husband say was the last thing you did, that made him give you 'the look" ?

I was a tiny bit sassy Saturday.

Brice said....After he went to the store Saturday and put away groceries I said what are you feeding the girls for dinner? (I had been at the neighbors helping her and I will not discuss this further on the grounds it may incriminate me;))

What part of his body does your husband discuss the most? 

His stomach

Brice said...my 24 pack (beer belly;))

If I could burn one ( non implement ) possession of my husbands and get off Scott free it would be? 

His Big Dog shirt that says.....I married my wife for her looks....but not the way she is looking at me now.

He said his dress shoes. (Wing Tips...very old and worn out)

 What shape would shape would your HoH say your backside is? 1) an apple 2) a pear 3) a pancake 4) never noticed...too distracted. 

A pancake

Brice said #2 Pear

Nothing makes me sassier than ( blank) 

Brice getting on my nerves!

Brice said...if you are right and I am wrong when we argue. (Did he just admit I am right?) 

If my family knew we were in a Dd relationship they would  A) be mortified B) be intrigued and ask questions C) High five my HoH, and tell him/her it was about time ! 

A) Be Mortified

A) Be mortified....Brice said everyone majorly mortified but inquisitive

When making whoopee, my husband's theme song should be A) I Will Survive B) Dancing with Myself C) Wake Me Up Before You Go Go D) Shook Me All Night Long  

D) Shook Me All Night Long

Brice said...D) Shook Me All Night Long

If (blank) was an Olympic sport, my husband would take the gold.

Arguing

Brice said....Cooking ( he is an amazing cook)

Two words that best describe my husband are _______ and _________.

Caring and Bossy

Brice said.....Sweet and Salty (insert my eye roll)

 Questions for the Husbands

What should your wife's theme song be?

Bad Company- Ready For Love

My answer.....Take it to the Limit- Eagles

Finish this sentence, even before ttwd I wanted to spank my wife when she did (blank) 

Tried to tell me what I could and could not do. (he answered that a little to quickly) He wants me to add he really wanted a motorcycle.

My answer....Talked back to him.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought a (blank) would be something I'd spank with....

a rubber spatula (he wants me to add we are new at this)

My answer....The silicone spatula. This was just yesterday, he is a 'foodie' this was a major step for him. lol

If my wife never makes (blank) again for dinner, it would be too soon.

I like everything my wife cooks. (okay, so the man is politically correct lol)

My answer....Breakfast for dinner. ( he hate's it)

Pick a bird to represent your wife.  What type of bird do you see yourself as?

Betsy would be a Rocking Robin (he added you should look up the song for details and sub she for he) He would be a Vulture.

My answer.....I'm a Mockingbird (lol) and Brice is a Hawk. He watches me like a hawk to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing He watches to make sure I am safe and secure.

 When I give my wife the 'look' often I am thinking (blank) 

Your A$$ is MINE!!!

My answer....I'm going to spank your bottom...(not quite that politely)

The two words that sum up my wife are _______ and _______. 

Sweet and Sexy 

My answer.....Sassy and Sweet

If there was NO chance of getting caught, where is one place you would like to make whoopee? 

The Center of the Star in Cowboy Stadium with the roof open. 

My answer....The desk in the Oval Office. ;)


Aside from her bottom, what is your wife's greatest asset? 

Her Boobs (he requested a winky face) ;)

My answer.....My boobs 

I managed to complete this and stay out of trouble, I consider that in itself a success! ;) 

I Would Never.....

Those seem to be becoming my famous last words.

Since we began this journey I seem to be eating them fairly often.

I think I probably said them when I first entered DD blogland then repeated them MANY times since. Now the words end up caught in my throat because I've almost always ended up doing exactly what I said I would never do.

My first couple of spankings I could not say a word...was it shock? Surprise? I have no idea...But I said to a friend I don't think I could ever TALK during a spanking.....

By the time my next spankings came, I was yelling....I don't want to do this anymore, I want to quit etc.... Just to be relieved later that he didn't listen to me ;)

Next came my I'll try anything tactics...I actually tried to grab his male anatomy with hopes of distracting him enough to rush him on to other things ;) This backfired miserably, he got angry and said I was obviously not getting the message of why we were there :(

Then there was the I will say anything he wants me to so I can get up plan....This plan is fairly self explanatory, I also refer to it as the Black is White Theory. I simply say, or well yell, whatever I think he wants to hear. This plan did usually work best out of the things I had tried to this point, but not as fast as I would have hoped.

This brings me to....'I would NEVER talk back during a spanking'.....and I owe Susie and her 'talking hand' a very big apology. NO I did not introduce Brice to 'puppet hand', but I did mouth off during a spanking and said many stupid things. I said things like....It's your fault I'm here....I wasn't on the computer when you asked me I was on my phone, so it wasn't a lie. Umm...then there was when he told me to be still because I was making it hard on him and I responded with...It is supposed to be harder for you than for me :(

Last, but definitely not least I said 'I would NEVER ask for a spanking'.

I found myself in a huge heap of trouble last week (I'll write about it eventually, when it's resolved) and I knew I was in for it. Brice came in from work right as I was leaving to take the girls to activities. My little one asked me if I was staying to watch and Brice answered that Mommy had to come home because Mommy and Daddy had to have a talk...GULP. I was a nervous wreck the entire way there and back, but when I got home he asked me to watch some show with him?!?! What?!?! After that he left to go get the girls.

I cannot explain my reaction at all...I should have jumped for joy but I was ticked! When Brice got home I had a major attitude, which of course did not go unnoticed. He told me he was surprised I was so sassy with a major spanking coming that night. GRRRR!!! By the time the kids were in bed he said I  was getting two, one that night and another the next morning.

That night's came and I survived....

The next morning I took the girls to school again with a nervous stomach and this time a sore bottom. When I returned home he was taking a shower, we had to go move my 19 year old back from school that day. He came into the room and said...since he was such a nice guy he would let me out of the second spanking, he felt I had a clean slate and we were good from the night before. I was so relieved, I hugged, kissed and thanked him over and over.....

Now is when I wish I could say I was a perfect angel, but no :( With in 30 min I wanted to scratch his eyeballs out! This was going to be a very stress filled day, moving days always are. That's when I did it....Right before we left, I grabbed his hand and lead him into the bedroom. I looked him in the eyes and said...You just need to do it. He barely let the words come out of my mouth and he was in his closet getting the paddle (the new big pine one) GULP!

I immediately started with....just one swat okay? ....not hard okay? .....over my jeans okay? He calmly said what he always says....You don't tell me how okay? ....Ugh....okay.

First swat with that and I stood straight up. He talked me through 4 more and it was over.....attitude in check!!

Brice then commented on how much he liked his new paddle....he said it will be used for major infractions from now on and I told him...

I would never....do anything bad enough to need that. ;)