Betsy?!
WHAT?
Betsy come in here.
WHY?
Betsy did you.......?
Ugh....YES!!!!
Betsy you need to.......!
I KNOW!!!!
Betsy don't forget to......!
I DID!!!
Oh and also you need to.....
OKAAAYYY!!!
Are you seriously talking to me like THAT?
( I quietly walk away....my Mama tought me sometimes it's better to say nothing at all ) :)
Betsy, I've had enough, bend over the bed.
NO!!!
Now Betsy!
WHY??
You need to learn to watch that mouth of yours.
But I didn't SAY ANYTHING !?!?!
Betsy, I've had enough, bend over the bed.
NO!!!
Now Betsy!
WHY??
You need to learn to watch that mouth of yours.
But I didn't SAY ANYTHING !?!?!
Mm hmm.... Now I'm not going to say anything.
( Ha! In my dreams)
WHACK!!
OWWW!!! OKAY! I'm SORRY!! That's ENOUGH!!!
Ha! Are you kidding? This time you are going to tell ME why you are here.....WHACK!!
I'm SORRY!! I really am!!!!
I'm sure you are, but what are you sorry for....? WHACK!!!
OWWW!!!
( Okay Betsy think fast. If I admit I was disrespectful using simple words....I will be here daily....If I don't....I may be here all night.)
WHACK!!! Is it that hard to figure out?
OWWW!!!! NO! I'm SORRY!!
We've established your sorry, or at least your a$$ is....I'm asking you one more time...what are you sorry for?
WHACK!!!
OUCHHH! Just give me a break to think about it! (Ha! That's it I need time to figure this out)
WHACK!!! Take all the time you need...WHACK!!
NO STOP!! I can't think while you do that!
WHACK!!
OKAY OKAY!!! I give in....you can tell me what I did. (fingers crossed hoping, hoping)
WHACK!! Don't tell me what I can do.
(Ugh! At this point my bottoms getting numb so I can take it better...but I can't let on so I have to keep yelling)
OWWW!!!! THAT HURTS!! (Shhh! ;) )
(New deliema....a couple of HoH's told Brice he will know I've had enough when I relax and stop fighting....not sure it will work here though...I better keep squirming)
WHACK!!! Both cheeks he somehow found a fresh spot!!!
OKAY!! OKAY!!! I WAS DISRESPECTFUL!!!
Now we are getting somewhere!
WHACK!!
NO! You said I had to tell you what I did and I DID!!
How were you disrespectful?
(Ugh....why did I want this lifestyle?)
With my tone.
WHACK!!
Hey! I admited it!!
Yes, that was good, your getting there. Now tell me what else you did that was disrespectful?
That wasn't being disrespectful! I didn't have anything nice to say. (sniff pout)
WHACK!!!
OKAY! I shouldn't have done that. (sniff)
What did you do?
(Sigh) I didn't answer you and walked away when you asked me a question.
WHACK!!!! Both cheeks again...worst swat of all!
(All I could do was sobb....my body totally relaxed, all tension was gone as I lay there crying uncontrollably)
(Brice began rubbing my bottom at this point) Do you realize I almost never use that type of 'you are annoying me' tone with you?
I know (sniff) (oh dear....he's going there)
On the rare occasion I have, you didn't like it did you.
Gulp...no.
In fact I think I remember your feelings being hurt so bad you cried.
(I thought he said he wasn't going to talk)
I nodded yes. (sniff, sniff)
(By this point I'm cuddled up in his lap with my head buried under his chin)
Don't you think it hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that?
Well yes, when you put it like that....(pout, sniff)
You know how much I love you right?
(On that note, I begin sobbing again)
(Brice holds me tight)
I know! I love you too...and I am really sorry (sobbing).
He then shows me his love in his own special way and I know I am forgiven.
If you had told me a year ago this was how we would settle arguments I would have called you nuts. As bad as it was, I always talked to Brice like that before dd. I don't think even Brice realized before dd, how damaging simple words can be to a marriage when added to a certain tone.....I'm sure he was still hurt by them, but just grouped it together with other things that annoyed him and let it fester. He would then rebel against me in some way.... to hurt me back.
Hind sight really is 20/20. This tone of voice thing is a work in progress for me...sigh...but I am going to try. And not just because I'll get spanked for it, but more because I don't want to hurt the love of my life. :)
So....until next time (hopefully just a week this time;)).....
Watch out for those 'Simple little words'
Hey Betsy :)
ReplyDeleteFunny I was just thinking of you the other day :)
I hate it when then make you tell them what you have done to deserve the spanking, it makes it that much more effective, but hard to admit :(
Nice to hear from you again, hugs x
Hi Missy! Yes, admitting what I did IS the worst and he knows it. I try my hardest to not admit a thing but it hasn't been working out so well for me lately.
DeleteIt is so true, Betsy.
ReplyDeleteReading your post felt like deju vu, as I found myself playing that kind of high stakes 20 questions...and for exactly the same reason.
Words and inflection, sarcasm (my specialty) do hurt and after a while (in our case) freeze up a marriage.
Good for you and Bryce that you have the courage to work through these times and emerge closer in the end.
hugs
lillie
Yes, closer in the end.... Although I couldn't answer comments because I was ticked at him again the next few days lol. All is well again.....closer in the end;)
DeleteHi Betsy,
ReplyDeleteIt's great to see you back! :)
Ouch! Sorry about the spanking, glad to read how it ended though. You are so right. Those little words and tone are so important.
Hugs,
Roz
Yes they are! I wish I could remember that a little better. It would make my life much easier. ;)
DeleteYour poor bottom. I'm sorry, I really tried to have sympathy for you through out the whole post, but some laughted errupted out anyway. LOL "( I quietly walk away....my Mama tought me sometimes it's better to say nothing at all ) :)" and then "(I thought he said he wasn't going to talk)" I guess it's easier to read when it's happening to someone else. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you see the changes that DD is bringing about, and that you are glad for these changes. :) It's amazing what we missed before, the things that we did that hurt, and damaged our marriage, that we didn't even realize.
There really have been a lot of big changes that I didn't even realize we made until lately. I wish I could explain why it works but I have no idea lol.
DeleteWow, I so recognized myself in this blog Betsy. Thanks for the reminder to be a little kinder. Oooohhh, it rhymes. lol
ReplyDeleteHa! I should really put that on my refrigerator lol.
DeleteOh dear, ouch!
ReplyDeleteIt makes me embarrassed to think back, but in my case it has helped H change his tone too. Perhaps giving can make you think just as much as receiving can?
It's a work in progress here too, just so happens that I am sometimes halfway through saying a word when I realise my tone. Trying to change the inflection on the second half of a word is not always easy.
LOL...Try coughing to stop yourself. Not 100% but has worked before. ;)
DeleteThis is so true, Betsy. Little words and tone of voice can be crushing, to the one giving as much as the one receiving. We don't always realize how we hurt our partners by doing this, but we also really hurt ourselves, too. It simply doesn't feel good to our hearts to be this way. I'm glad you're working your way through it. You deserve to be good to yourself and the love of your life. :-)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Irishey
Ouch...! Sometimes we think their feelings cannot be hurt like ours, so when they express similar hurts it really makes us think!
ReplyDeleteGlad everything seems better now.
Betsy,
ReplyDeleteSounds a lot like me! You know what I dislike even more, when he asks me what is going to happen if you try and do this again? I don't like to answer at all, but when I finally realize I am going to have to,I respond saying I am going to be "in trouble". Those words are no longer good enough he now wants specifics! UGH
I like that you're going to be more mindful,of your tone not just to save your bottom, but to not hurt "the love of your life." Great reminder for all of us. :)
ReplyDeleteSimple words, huh? Well I guess you shouldn't try: whatever, you must be KIDDING, jerk, NO...well lets be real here...any form of NO, as IF..... Wait, this probably isn't helping is it? I can hear Brice now telling us to "behave"...you know because I just know how much you loooove hearing that ;) Not so much of a good influence now, am I?? Oh, I kid...I kid...simmer down there big guy! hahahahah!
ReplyDeleteReally, you all are adorable...truly. And yes, it is hard to remember...especially in the heat of the moment...how much what we say can hurt. I am so bad about letting things just slide out....what can I say? I am still a work in progress!
Love ya....
~Lucy
I hate trying to get sentences out between swats! LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Brice's very effective reminder had *something* to do with it;) but you also sound very resolved within yourself to be sweeter with your words and tone. It's something I try hard to do as well...don't always get it right...but I do try!